MEAN GIRLS

So, I'm watching MEAN GIRLS again for the millionth time and I realize its my comfort show for 2 main reasons.

#1 reason is because I relate to Cady being homeschooled, and joining the real world of society. I remember my first day returning back to school from being homeschooled for 5 years, I was so nervous, feeling so insecure about not knowing anyone, unaware of how high school works with switching classes and such. Lunch was a beast in itself, I felt so out of place, afraid to sit at the wrong table, taking someone's spot, it was rough. So I roughed it out in the bathroom most days or hid out in the gym. This uncomfortable transition I had made from homeschool to public was a pivotal moment in my life. It was a time to create who I wanted to be. 

However...

I was terrified to BE,  feeling as if I needed to be someone else for acceptance as I navigate this new life. my fear of being seen and heard was taking over my chance to be. 

But I see that girl. I see how brave she was at times to meet new people, trying her best to join conversations, opening up to people about not being able to relate about certain things due to being sheltered AND what I also would tell her is dare to be different, life happened for her exactly the way it did to bring a new perspective into this world, you are worthy and your voice matters for reassurance. 

One of the things I worked hard to over come is having the courage to BE. Having the courage to be good at something, having the courage to fail at something, having the courage to have a different opinion, having the courage to be the odd one out, having the courage to open up and share my perspective to the world and my peers, having the courage to try new things and be bad at them at first,  the courage to ask for help when needed, the courage to participate in conversations, the courage to be myself. 

Now, that I'm older I realize a lot of my peers were experiencing the same fears however the difference is the ability to face them. 

Another reason I relate to Mean Girls Movie is because when navigating life is everyone is responsible for themselves. When Cady got caught up in the drama or the "plastics" at the end of the day her actions created consequences that were hers to face ALONE. 

I think about this whenever, don't accept responsibility over my life. Sometimes mistakes happen and we learn and move forward. However, when we make choices that don't align with who we truly are, the self betrayal turns into lack of self trust which sets oneself up for internal turmoil. 

As Iyanla would say... "ask me how I know" I know because there were times I betrayed myself for the acceptance of others and to have the validation that I was "normal" or "good" not understanding that normal is subjective and good is relative, but I digress, the point is I believe this is the definition of selling your soul. Trading your authenticity for external praise and validation left me empty and lonely because I wasn't able to have any deep connections without deep intimacy and vulnerability. I was good at forming the illusion of intimate relationships and what's sad about this is I was unaware that I was doing this, and actually felt I was making connections with people. 

I was not. 

This lack of intimacy created shallow friendships that held me in a place of comfortability, complacency, lack of vulnerable meaningful conversations of growth... etc. One thing I have learned about life is you NEED community, and not just any kind of community you need people in your corner that will challenge you, be honest with you and be accepting of you in all areas of your evolution. 

This is a human need. 

I have had some of the hardest times maintaining relationships over the years and I believe it boils down to this. My desire to be chosen has consumed my being so much so, I would betray myself for the acceptance of others. 

As we watched Cady's evolution we see at times she didn't stand on her inner knowing as the inner dialogue was her truest feelings. She choose time and time again the agenda of others at the expense of herself. 

How this was overcome?

Self Acceptance, Self Respect, and Trust. I believe these things have the foundation to any relationship because it is directly a reflection of the relationship I am having with myself.