Soooooo, Can we be honest for a sec? I am so guilty of rehearsing what I want to say before I say it, so that it doesn't come off wrong or so that I'm not misunderstood. In my 27 years of life I have found that when lie about something I immediately feel the gut wrenching uncomfortable feeling that I just don't like to deal with. I found that to be honest takes a level of courage that surpasses anything when I don't want to face the reality of something. I found that in my over explanation of things, its easy to exaggerate the truth in search of understanding, acceptance, agreement, and community. Unfortunately, this does the opposite of the outcome I am hoping for. What I had to accept about this reality was it was manipulation in a way that doesn't allow for genuine connections. There are days where I lie about accomplishments with certain employers to get the job and when I get the job, I hate that I can't adapt to the environment because I am not qualified to perform at that level, just yet. So then, I hide it, improvise, create, mask it, don't ask for help, for fear that I will be seen as who I am "a fraud" and for that I'm increasing my anxiety and exchanging my mental, and spiritual health for a job. Sounds wild when I put it like that. Now there is a part of that feels that if the job I'm presented with is out of my scope but I get it anyways then i learn and adapt anyway but my main point here is... I don't actually have to lie about it, just express my interest in learning and developing skills in that career space. Simple? Not really, but it's the choice we/ I have to make in order to achieve PEACE.
There's something to be said for the times that I have lied or been dishonest about the reality of things in my life and that's just the belief of who I am is "not enough". That belief of not being enough makes me feel as though to be in spaces and places where I have to pretend, mask or lie, are not spaces, places for me. But that is not true, it's my own belief that stops my from being myself and showing up in my fullness in the spaces that I am placed or accepted. It's my responsibility to be myself and own my truth and accepting myself enough to not care who accepts or rejects me in any place, space, or environment. So, overcoming this, I have vowed to be more honest about my experiences, my life and circumstances. I understand that I don't have an responsibility to be liked by people and molding myself to be more acceptable. As I move through with this new awareness, it's been hard to break that habit of lying and being dishonest and the more I stop and think on it and work at it, I notice I speak less, and think more so that I can be as genuine and honest as I can be without avoiding the shame of rejection, of saying the wrong thing or not meeting other's expectations of me.
Another thing, I have come to realize is that in this practice of being more honest I am not afraid to be perceived. I am not afraid to be wrong. I am not afraid to let go of what's not for me and not thirsty to be accepted. As long as I am accepting myself, I feel at peace. One thing I have promised myself and my inner child is to never betray myself again, I will trust my instincts, my gut. I will be honest to myself about what I am feeling so that I can relay that in a way leads to healthy boundaries. I can accept my strengths and flaws as part of my uniqueness and accept others in the same way. Now, I do believe some lies are warranted especially if you are in a potentially dangerous situation. For example : I take Uber a lot due to not having a vehicle, and when my male Uber drivers hit on me or ask a lot of personal questions. I lie about having a Husband or Man at home that's expecting me. So, sometimes you have to be creative but intention is everything and it's not okay for yourself and others to lie about who or what you are, in hopes to gain acceptance. Please stay true to you. You Matter.
So, my questions of the week is...
1. When was the last time you lied? What was it about? Why did you feel the need to do so? How did you feel afterwards?
2. Recall a time where you felt you needed to lie to get out of a potentially dangerous situation. What was that like?
3. Remember a time you had to stand in your truth. What was it? How did you feel afterwards?
4. What are things that keep you from walking in your truth?
5. What's the dumbest lie you've ever told in your lie? I mean the one that literally makes you cringe to this day.
See you next week,
Self Care Boss
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