Issa Rae did the things when she made the series "Adventures of an Awkward Black Girl" it's like she been peeking in at my life and documenting my most awkward moments. Every glance, facial expression is relatable down to the conversations in the mirror. When I found out about Insecure I was so excited and still am to this day because it is a regular rerun in my house. So I want to talk about Insecure, the relatable episodes, funny moments, and favorite parts that I have enjoyed over the years and continue to reference to this day.
Now, I've been told I'm insecure by people who don't care for me and I had to figure out if they were just saying that because they didn't like me or did they not like me because I'm insecure.... Nevertheless i found it worth looking into to be sure for myself. It's no secret that Insecure is my favorite TV show but after watching it, its simply because I'm Insecure. By definition Insecure is of a person not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious. Google. This was an accurate description of who I was, I had mastered the perception of being confident however I really wasn't and felt uncertain within myself. Watching Issa from Season 1, being in this dilemma on whether or not she needed to separate from Lawrence and just put a pause on their relationship due to the stagnancy and lack of communication they were having in their relationship. But Instead of bringing the issues to Lawrence to work through them and express her needs, she went to her Best Friend Molly and discussed. She had built this resentment towards him, began to be passive aggressive towards him and even fantasizing about other men she is attracted to. This was such a relatable episode because if you've ever been in a long term relationship you know that there has to be communication in any relationship but the communication gets lost when it's long term because, we get too comfortable. There was a lot that needed to be said from them both but sometimes ego, pride, fear keeps us from communicating in a way that benefits both. Lawrence catching Issa in the Rite Aid was so funny Issa said "Lawrence we are not about to be that black couple fighting Rite Aid." I was WEAK. As Issa avoids home and Lawrence she's caught up in the fantasy that facing something new would be better than facing home and the reality of the state of their relationship.
As the seasons went, watched how the other characters were dealing with problems of insecurities too. Molly was trying to find a man, obsessing over being with someone and critiquing every man she comes in contact with. Over time she finds that when she becomes more positive about her own life experiences and practicing self love while de-centering men and judgements from her life, she finds a love that effortlessly. There's the scene where she's with Torrean, and runs into Dro, She simply explains her past with Dro to Torrean. "Dro and his wife had a open relationship and we use to f-" to that Torrean wasn't bothered and neither was she. Molly found that she was okay with who she was and at peace with all that she is and Torrean accepted it all. She admitted to him that this was the easiest relationship she's ever had and I aspire to have that revelation as I work through my own healing. That was so beautiful to watch although it was uneasy at times to see the journey of it all but it was nevertheless so beautiful. Tiffany was one that we didn't see often but her insecurity of being disconnected from her friends and old life was really weighing on her as she's transitioning into Motherhood and navigating marriage. Being the first in her friend group to be married and trying to fit in with her single friends while maintaining the respect in the marriage seemed like a difficult road. At Coachella, while everyone was drunk and and on drugs she was the only sober one and not to mention single one that didn't have someone other than her friends. Issa was with Nathan, Molly with Andrew and Kelly with the "short nigga" and she even mentioned this when she said "Should I have brought Derrick, Is this the Boo-chella?" So once again, an activity that she couldn't partake in and knowing that she was not included in their private group chat seemed like a lot. I also, feel like when she made new friends that were moms, it was like she needed a community that related to where she was and I felt she had every right to have her other friends show up for her at a time she needed.
Kelly was one of my favorite characters, and at times I found her to be a bit corny and much which I love actually. Not every joke has to land and the "extra" gave moments a little more flavor in my opinion. But Kelly to me was the most secure character to me. She spoke her mind and said everything she had to say whether it was deemed right or wrong, and had this attitude of "you either like it or you don't" She showed up for her friends and was ready to share her mind at any given moment. I think she started to realize how much knowledge she had and grew her confidence to go after the things she wanted as she started to branch out of her coping mechanisms like drinking and started a podcast doing what she loved, talking and eventually starting her own financial institution. I don't relate so much to Kelly's character but I admire and aspire to have the level of IDGAF as she does with how she chooses to express herself.
Now let'e get into the love triangles Issa had all of us in... From Lawrence to Daniel to Nathan to Lawrence. In my experience, the intention is to be clear but the execution to be clear is very much so messy. No matter how you work it, you're going to have to disappoint someone and choosing yourself sometimes comes at an expense we are not ready to pay. As Issa let's go of Lawrence, Daniel opens his arms and home to Issa as she gets back on her feet from the pivot she's made in her life. Transitions can be tricky because as you are leaving one thing you have to have discernment when walking into another. I think her and Daniel had a very toxic relationship as they tried to mix and blur the lines or friendship and relationship. I have a "Daniel" in life, that is no longer in my life but I remember the times where I was transitioning out on my own and looking for companionship and with that companionship came a situationship that was very toxic. It wasn't until I realized that we weren't friends we were to people that were sexually attracted to one another and bored. I enjoyed the time we shared, and it doesn't take away from the genuine care I had for this person but it just wasn't what I wanted to continue to entertain. When Issa and Daniel finally ending their toxic cycle, I was so happy, it was messy (literally) but I think leaving on that note was the best outcome for that situation. Now Nathan and Issa was my favorite couple throughout the show. OMG I was so upset when Lawrence came back because I just thought Nathan and Issa were growing so deeply in love and it was beautiful to watch. When Lawrence came back Issa still had feelings for him and tried to put pressure on Nathan to show more "love" so that she could be confident in her mind about her choosing Nathan. This wasn't fair to Nathan and I think we can all agree that Issa has a hard time being honest about how she's really feeling. BUT, what I can say is, she wasn't ready to face her feelings just yet either. I think she really loved Nathan and enjoyed the relationship with him but just had a deeper love for Lawrence. But who knows.... maybe I'm biased because Nathan was FINE AF, I just felt they had the most chemistry. Issa was wish washy, and I definitely can relate, I myself have been called "wishy washy" and I ain't even respond cause they were so right. But all in all, I think it's about having the courage to be confident in your decisions, having the adult conversations, standing in your truth.
As the series ends, I just want to not that the time that passed shows that we aren't going to automatically be confident or self assured over night... It's a practice, a choice you make and a decision to be had on what you want. What do I want? is the question I journal often in different situations. I am trying to get to what I know to be true about what I want in this life versus what I have allowed in my life and drawing a comparison to make a plan towards the life of my dreams. This doesn't mean issues won't come, it just means I am clear about how to listen inwardly to resolve them by asking "What do I want for the outcome of this situation to be and what is in my control?" As Issa reconnects with Lawrence and by the way I'm not going to get into "Conola Oil" this go round but just know we ain't cool with it. As I was saying, Issa and Lawrence reconnects and Ja Lawrences Son is part of their lives, things are different but Issa felt at peace with her decision to choose Lawrence in the end. One things about this life is you have to live it for YOU. There were so many times I was like NOOOOOO ISSSSSAAAAAA DON'T GO BACK TO LAWRENCE literally yelling at my TV, but how many times do we not do things for fear of judgement from others. I can tell you i have felt that way and each time it has not brought me peace, it wasn't until I did what I was called to do that I felt that peace of mind. I vowed to myself I would never betray myself again for the fear of judgement from others no matter who it is. I have to live for me and that to me is CONFIDENCE.
Thank you for reading, and let me know if y'all want me to go more in depth on these episodes and Conola Oil, It would literally take an entire topic of it's own. Matteroffact this my blog, Imma do it anyway, tf I'm asking for... let me CONFIDENTLY make a decision and do this thang ;)
Thank you,
Self Care Boss
Discussion Time:
What are your favorite Insecure episodes and characters and why?
What part in the series do you relate to the most and why?
Were you Team Issa or Molly when that whole fiasco went down? If you were Team Molly....WHY? (:P)
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